Escaping the Drama Triangle: A Leader’s Guide to Presence and Impact
What is the drama triangle?
The Drama Triangle was first introduced by psychiatrist Stephen Karpman in the late 1960s to describe dysfunctional relationship dynamics. It consists of three roles:
- The Victim – Feels powerless, stuck, and sees the world as happening to them.
- The Persecutor – Blames, criticises, and controls, often from a place of frustration or superiority.
- The Rescuer – Steps in to “save” others, often at their own expense, reinforcing dependency.
While these roles may sound extreme, we all step into them at times—especially under stress. The key is to recognise when we’re in the Drama Triangle and shift into a more empowered and present state.
Why do we get stuck in the drama triangle?
We often fall into the Drama Triangle because it offers a familiar, albeit dysfunctional, way to navigate stress, uncertainty, or difficult relationships. These patterns are usually learned in early life and reinforced by cultural or workplace norms. The roles provide a sense of identity and predictability:
- Victims may feel validated when others rescue them.
- Rescuers gain a sense of purpose by helping, even when it's not needed.
- Persecutors maintain a false sense of control by blaming or exerting authority.
The Drama Triangle is also fuelled by unspoken emotional needs. We may unconsciously seek validation, avoid accountability, or deflect discomfort by shifting between roles.
How do we move between the three roles?
The roles in the Drama Triangle are fluid, meaning we can switch from one to another in the same conversation or situation:
- A Victim may become a Persecutor when they lash out in frustration.
- A Rescuer may feel unappreciated and shift into a Victim role.
- A Persecutor may attempt to redeem themselves by overcompensating as a Rescuer.
Recognising these shifts is crucial for stepping out of the Drama Triangle altogether.
Why leaders need to know about the drama triangle?
As a leader, you deal with challenges, conflict, and people dynamics daily. If you find yourself stuck in blame (Persecutor), over-functioning for others (Rescuer), or feeling powerless (Victim), you’re likely in the Drama Triangle. Left unchecked, this dynamic drains energy, limits problem-solving, and can create toxic team cultures.
Being able to spot when you or your team members enter the Drama Triangle allows you to shift conversations toward clarity, ownership, and action.
Moving from drama to presence
The antidote to the Drama Triangle is The Empowerment Triangle (David Emerald). Here’s how to transition:
- From Victim to Creator: Ask “What is within my control? What is the next step I can take?”
- From Persecutor to Challenger: Shift from blame to growth by asking, “What’s the learning here? How can I support improvement without attacking?”
- From Rescuer to Coach: Instead of fixing, ask empowering questions like, “What options have you considered?” and/or “What support do you need?”
Practical strategies to shift to presence
Being present means responding intentionally rather than reacting emotionally. Here are some practical ways to break free from drama:
1. Pause and name it
When you notice a familiar drama role creeping in, label it: “I’m feeling like the Rescuer right now” or “This feels like a Victim moment”. Naming it disrupts the cycle.
2. Check your body and breath
Drama often shows up as tension—tight shoulders, shallow breathing. Take a deep breath, ground yourself, and intentionally relax your posture to signal safety to your brain.
3. Ask a different question
- Instead of “Why is this happening to me?” (Victim), try “What’s my next best step?” (Creator).
- Instead of “Why can’t they just do their job?” (Persecutor), ask “How can I clarify expectations?” (Challenger).
4. Hold space, don’t fix
If someone is venting, resist the urge to jump in and fix it. Instead, say “That sounds tough. What do you think is the best way forward?” This encourages ownership and problem-solving.
5. Set clear boundaries
If you’re habitually rescuing, ask yourself: “Am I helping or enabling?” Healthy support empowers others to step up rather than reinforcing dependence.
6. Reframe conflict as opportunity
Rather than seeing tension as a problem, use it as a chance to practice constructive challenge and growth. Approach difficult conversations with curiosity rather than defensiveness.
Leading with presence
Mastering the Drama Triangle isn’t about never slipping into it—it’s about recognising it faster and shifting into presence and empowerment. Leaders who can step out of drama create more resilient, accountable, and engaged teams.
Ask yourself:
- What’s my most common drama role?
- How can I notice when I’m in it more quickly?
- What’s one shift I can make today to lead with more presence?
By embracing these shifts, you model healthier leadership, creating a culture where people take ownership, communicate openly, and solve problems more effectively.
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